It has now been a week since I left Jerusalem, I feel like

it has been months.
Life seems to be back to normal except not.

I came home to a situation that wasn't ideal that I thought
would change and be fixed really quickly but
it
hasn't been.
It is weird to have had so many expectations for the
past few months and then to

realize within just a short amount of time
that those
expectations aren't going to be met.

I guess that is how life is though.

We make plans and then Heavenly Father

shakes them up and puts his own plans
into play.
While I don't really like
my plans
being upset, I know
that Heavenly Father's plans
are WAY better
than the ones I had for myself.
Something else I am learning is that after a relationship
has taken a beating, has been scarred and bruised, it takes a long time and a lot of effort
to revitalize it.
It isn't easy.
And it really isn't a ton of fun but I can choose to make it fun.
I can choose to be happy and carefree.
I can choose to let go of the wounds that my heart has received.
It is all a choice.
The question is if I am willing to make that choice.
I think I am.
I want to be happy and myself, I want to
be as silly and outgoing as I used to be.
I want to do this because I want to give the relationship a fair shot; I feel like
if I am like I used to be I can create
an environment as close to the one that used to exist which
will allow for proper evaluation of the relationship on both ends instead of an evaluation
that is skewed
I also want to do this because I know it will make me happier.
Last night at institute Bishop Basha talked about anything worth
doing requires time.
SO
I guess only TIME
will tell concerning our relationship. I think time
is a hard one because we like things
easy, quick, painless.
This process will not be so.
On a new note,
I applied for a job at the Buckle today.
I should hear back by Monday; I hope I get the job.
It would be so fun to help people pick out new clothes.
I think a new outfit can totally lift someones spirit and make them feel happy and good
about themselves; I would love to be apart of that process.
Wish me luck!!